Matt Collins is a musician (Ninja High School), cartoonist (Sexy), jock (Manhunt), and comedian (Matt Collins) in Toronto, Ontario. Please buy more Matt Collins.
[Other Posts By Matt]
I had a whole thesis on U2, about Bono and relationships, and how everyone’s in a bad relationship because they can’t communicate and Bono’s lyrics in, say, With Or Without You perfectly articulate that inability not only to name your own feelings but also the feelings of your loved one,... More
If I could have one wish come true, I would wish for the time I spent trying to “get” Tom Waits back. Tom Waits isn’t a musician – he’s an actor. And acting is a noble pursuit, except when the actor writes their own scenes. If Tom Waits didn’t put... More
Laugh Sabbath is a forward-thinking, daring and experimental comedy collective based in Toronto. With a weekly comedy series at Comedy Bar featuring regulars like Kathleen Philips, Chris Locke, Tom Henry and David Dineen-Porter, they are setting a gold standard for comedy in Toronto comedy. In keeping with their mission to... More
There are a lot of band names that are dumber than Metallica, but most of them aren’t worse. Hoobastank is worse, sure, but what makes Metallica such a bad band name is the smugness. It thinks it’s an amazing band name. When Metallica chose “Metallica”, they thought “This is the... More
Imagine you went to an all-you-can-eat buffet, but the restaurant forced you to eat all of the food on a single plate. Every course. No matter how full you are. That is the best way to think of listening to a song by Wings. Paul McCartney has put all of... More
A good rule of thumb is, if people tell you that a band created a “sonic blueprint”, it means the band is annoying to listen to. Also annoying to listen to? Some guy at your New Year’s party telling you he’d rather be listening to Kraftwerk just when you put... More
When we were talking about G’n'F’n'R before, I told you that the video for Don’t Cry was insane. I meant it. It’s Book of Revelation insane. Here, take a look: Right? Why is he a pirate in the North Pole? Is that Narnia? Why is he struggling for a gun... More
Guns N’ Roses (G’n'F’n'R) aren’t the worst band of all time (Wings hold that title), but they managed to accomplish such horrible music in such a short period of time that they must be close to the top of the list. What makes them so bad? Never was there a... More
When I read the papers this morning, I realized that sometime Tuesday afternoon, Christie Blatchford, Margaret Wente and Rosie DiManno are going to have to swordfight (Highlander-style) in the parking lot underneath City Hall. Because there can be only one. And by “one” I mean “paranoid schizophrenic with a Dell... More
On October 22, the Globe and Mail introduced a paywall on their website. Obviously, my first question about this new addition is: what am I going to make fun of now? But my second is: will this compel them to publish anything worth reading? Well, no. No it won’t, because... More
Is anybody else as sick of the U.S. Election as I am? I mean, holy cow, we get it: there’s going to be a second great depression. Luckily for those of us in Canada, we’ve signed some deal where we only trade with China. So, apart from not having American... More
Everybody knows that the New York Times is a glorified newsletter from a rich kid’s sleepaway camp, right? Even worse is NYT Blogs. They’re like Exxon for your Facebook feed. They’re among the most noxious greenhouse gases polluting the internet; and because an election is about to happen in America,... More
I had a whole thesis on U2, about Bono and relationships, and how everyone’s in a bad relationship because they can’t communicate and Bono’s lyrics in, say, With Or Without You perfectly articulate that inability not only to name your own feelings but also the feelings of your loved one,... More
If I could have one wish come true, I would wish for the time I spent trying to “get” Tom Waits back. Tom Waits isn’t a musician – he’s an actor. And acting is a noble pursuit, except when the actor writes their own scenes. If Tom Waits didn’t put... More
Laugh Sabbath is a forward-thinking, daring and experimental comedy collective based in Toronto. With a weekly comedy series at Comedy Bar featuring regulars like Kathleen Philips, Chris Locke, Tom Henry and David Dineen-Porter, they are setting a gold standard for comedy in Toronto comedy. In keeping with their mission to... More
There are a lot of band names that are dumber than Metallica, but most of them aren’t worse. Hoobastank is worse, sure, but what makes Metallica such a bad band name is the smugness. It thinks it’s an amazing band name. When Metallica chose “Metallica”, they thought “This is the... More
Imagine you went to an all-you-can-eat buffet, but the restaurant forced you to eat all of the food on a single plate. Every course. No matter how full you are. That is the best way to think of listening to a song by Wings. Paul McCartney has put all of... More
A good rule of thumb is, if people tell you that a band created a “sonic blueprint”, it means the band is annoying to listen to. Also annoying to listen to? Some guy at your New Year’s party telling you he’d rather be listening to Kraftwerk just when you put... More
When we were talking about G’n'F’n'R before, I told you that the video for Don’t Cry was insane. I meant it. It’s Book of Revelation insane. Here, take a look: Right? Why is he a pirate in the North Pole? Is that Narnia? Why is he struggling for a gun... More
Guns N’ Roses (G’n'F’n'R) aren’t the worst band of all time (Wings hold that title), but they managed to accomplish such horrible music in such a short period of time that they must be close to the top of the list. What makes them so bad? Never was there a... More
When I read the papers this morning, I realized that sometime Tuesday afternoon, Christie Blatchford, Margaret Wente and Rosie DiManno are going to have to swordfight (Highlander-style) in the parking lot underneath City Hall. Because there can be only one. And by “one” I mean “paranoid schizophrenic with a Dell... More
On October 22, the Globe and Mail introduced a paywall on their website. Obviously, my first question about this new addition is: what am I going to make fun of now? But my second is: will this compel them to publish anything worth reading? Well, no. No it won’t, because... More
Is anybody else as sick of the U.S. Election as I am? I mean, holy cow, we get it: there’s going to be a second great depression. Luckily for those of us in Canada, we’ve signed some deal where we only trade with China. So, apart from not having American... More
Everybody knows that the New York Times is a glorified newsletter from a rich kid’s sleepaway camp, right? Even worse is NYT Blogs. They’re like Exxon for your Facebook feed. They’re among the most noxious greenhouse gases polluting the internet; and because an election is about to happen in America,... More
