Collins Talks Comedy With Blayne Smith


We go way back, I remember you when you were, like, half a dirtbag. When would you say you went full dirtbag?

I probably went full dirtbag when I spent a year in Paris living on 1000 Euros a month. Everyone says that it is the City of Love, but it is actually a pile of garbage, penned in by a circle of highways and a river of filth running through it. The Carrefour (French Walmart) by my house was constantly filled with pigeons, I saw a dude just piss himself on the Metro and keep on keepin’ on. At some point, you spend 2 euro on a baguette and bottle of wine, pass out in a park and stop brushing your hair.

We both work in offices, we both do standup, yet, I’m a dad, and you’re somewhere on the hobo spectrum. How does that work?

It works very poorly. I have a trick where I alternate eyes because I usually have trouble keeping both open at the same time when looking at the screen. Luckily I work for a charity so I’m probably there to fill a quota or something.

 Remember that time you bought a laserdisc player?

Plus a stack of LaserDiscs for 20 bucks, all under the theme “disaster movies.” Who can resist TWO copies of Independence Day? A lot of people don’t realise that LaserDiscs have the same quality as DVDs which made it a solid purchase. A lot of people don’t realize you had to flip the LaserDiscs over halfway through the movie which made it a TERRIBLE purchase.

 When and where are you performing/is your show?

I perform all over and I run a show called Classy Drunk at the Emmet Ray (924 College St.), the first Tuesday of the month at 8:00pm. This Thursday (November 7th), I’ll be opening for Rob Kelly at the Underground Comedy Club.  I also make a web series:

About Matt Collins

Matt Collins is a musician (Ninja High School), cartoonist (Sexy), jock (Manhunt), and comedian (Matt Collins) in Toronto, Ontario. Please buy more Matt Collins. [Other Posts By Matt]