The F Stands for Fucktard

In a nation known as much for its used-panty dispensers and anime tentacle porn as it is for its high tech industry, it probably doesn’t come as a surprise that one of the more popular Japanese devices is built to spec for philanderers.  The Fujitsu F-series flip phone is just that, a cell phone designed for cheaters.

In our digital age, affairs are carried out as much in our email inboxes, text messages, and phone calls as they are in the seedy motel rooms of yesteryear. The need for privacy is paramount if these fun-time flings are to remain a secret from the prying eyes of wives and girlfriends who grow suspicious of mysterious messages on our mobile devices. Sure, a password on your iPhone may keep the secret safe, but it also betrays the fact that you may have something to hide. The F-series, also known as the ‘infidelity phone’, or uwaki keitai in Japan, addresses this concern by hiding your affair in plain sight. There’s no need to lock your phone, so it looks like you’ve got nothing to hide.

Fujitsu’s “Privacy Mode” is unparalleled in today’s smartphone market, even though new cheater apps are springing up daily. With privacy mode, users designate certain contacts as private, and all sext messages, emails, and missed calls do not show up in your usual inbox. There is no notification, no blinking light, almost nothing that would say “you’ve got mail,” except a discrete change in the shape or color of the battery icon; a change only a trained eye would catch.

Even though the F-series is the industry leader in built-in two-timing functionality, the smartphone has opened up a whole new world of possibilities. Apps currently on the market allow you to set a timer on outbound texts, which will automatically delete them from the recipient’s inbox.  There are all forms of secret text/call apps, though they require setting up a second contact list. There’s even an app that will snap a picture of whoever tries unsuccessfully to unlock you phone and snoop, allowing you to turn the table around on your suspicious better half.

The jig, as they say, may be up. The popularity of the F-series phone continues to this day, despite the rest of the mobile industry shifting relentlessly to the now ubiquitous flat panel touch screen smart phones. Those cheating Japanese men just don’t want to give up their damn flip phones though, and as their favored technology becomes a relic, the advantage of hiding in plain sight disappears. Nothing screams, “I’m having an affair” like clinging to your infidelity phone. At least they can be faithful to something.

Danny - Uwaki Keitai

About Danny DeVito

Danny DeVito is one of Canada's premier thinkers. He graces the pages of Provocative Penguin with his unique and rare form of genius. His keen eye for talented artists, insight into political affairs, and cunning linguistic skills pale only in comparison to his chiselled good looks. Some say he is a God. Here at Provocative Penguin, we just call him Danny. You can read Danny’s other posts on PP [here]