The European Union
(By Danny DeVito)
Conceived as a way to unify Europe and insulate the continent from the risk of devastating war, the utopian dream of a peaceful and integrated Europe is setting the stage for exactly that which it was intended to prevent. Open borders and uninhibited immigration have fueled the rise of ultra-nationalist parties across the continent, promoting open animosity toward different ethnic groups as a scapegoat for economic and social difficulties. The Euro, an experimental international currency zone, has led to major economic imbalances, placing less affluent southern nations firmly under Germany’s thumb, frustrating the peripheral countries that are being forced to drastically cut public spending in misguided austerity programs, as well as the German population who resent footing the bill for their ‘lazy’ southern neighbors. The proposed solution? Greater integration.
Open revolt seems the more likely outcome.
(By Seamus Gearin)
One might say that homo sapien dominance of the Earth traces back to when we learned how to communicate with one another. We surpassed our Bonobo (Fuck Monkey) and Chimpanzee (Hollywood Whore) relatives in every way to climb the food pyramid and assimilate the planet as our playground. Then sometime over the past decade, people’s communicative abilities started to ebb into the recesses of our daily lives. E-mail replaced phone calls in the business world, text messaging in the social. We now attempt to phrase things so that they can be understood when read. Our world is one of Contextation.
This devolution has spawned acronyms for phrases no one was using before they were shortened: LOLZ, ROFL, LMAO. In the old days, if someone was Rolling On the Floor Laughing, they wouldn’t have coordination to type it. Today, we pause for seconds or hours to consider the exact right way to phrase a response to something, which in some ways is a good thing. In a far more important way, it marks the loss of the art of conversation. Without the ability to react immediately and in person, it is quite possible that when we face our next challenge as a species, we’ll be wiped out while thinking of the best way to respond. Or perhaps not.
1. “Let’s sit down and have a conversation about your future.” said the father to the despondent 20 year-old.
2. “A little less conversation, a little more action” – Elvis
See also: How your girlfriend puts you to sleep at night; Why TVO is boring; The second best and least memorable byproduct of drugs and alcohol.
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