Central & Remote: Feburary 14th – 17th


Hi Toronto,

We here at Provocative Penguin know you love us, so hold off on those flowers you were planning on sending. If you absolutely must send us a Valentine’s Day arrangement, make it a living one. We request a terrarium from Crown Flora Studio. (We are not above shameless plugging or persuasion.)

Penguins love the weird, kooky, zany, and downright strange anti-events greeting card holidays tend to offer up in this city, but you’re best-bet for this V-Day looks a little angst-ridden on the surface. Head over to the Magpie Taproom on Dundas for Fuck Love this Thursday.  They’ll be serving up more than brews, with a mix of R&B, Hip-Hop and New Jack Swing (educate yourself here, please) all in the name of embracing sex and intimacy between lovers and friends alike. Got the Vapors yet? Music starts at 10PM and goes until “you’re all out of love”.

Keep the excitement rolling and check out the picturesque Elgin Winter Garden Theatre. For the EWG’s 100th birthday the Ontario Heritage Trust is hosting a guided tour. Go check out the world’s largest remaining collection of vaudevillian scenery!

Yours truly,
Yuli xo

Thursday February 14th

Hate Love Art Show – Exhibition opening for work that attempts to discuss the contradictory nature of hate and love, and exemplifies how one powerful feeling can flow subtly into another – Creatures Creating Gallery (822 Dundas St. W) – 7-11pm – Free

What’re You Doing Up There!? – Festival that brings together the work of emerging and established artists, from musicians and magicians, to clowns, comedians, dancers, devisers, poets, painters, performance artists and more… – Siren Rock Studios (hidden away at 163 Sterling Road, Unit 29, just off of Bloor. But they”ll be roaming the road, costumed and watching out for you, armed with a song and dance, directions to the venue… and the password to the show. – 8pm until late… runs Friday and Saturday too – $10 at the door

Heartbreak Karaoke – Alt Fashion mag sweethearts at WORN Journal present their annual Valentine’s Day karaoke massacre – JunJun Restaurant (371 College) –  9PM – $7 admission ($5 if you wear red or pink, $1 per song, $10 to skip the line, and Celine Dion songs are $5)

Wavelength 13 – Doldrums, Do Make Say Think, Cadence Weapon, Blue Hawaii, Cookie Duster and Henri Fabergé & the Adorables AND ON AND ON AND SOFORTH – Various Locations – Pass for all four days $39

Hannah Moscovitch Mini-Fest – Tarragon presents a Double-Bill of plays from playwright-in-residence. On until March 24th, run includes PWYC matinees – Tarragon Theatre (30 Bridgman Ave) –  $27-35

Fuck Love – Aformentioned anti-Valentines, pro-R&B/Swing/Hip-hop night. – Magpie Taproom (831 Dundas W) – 10PM – PWYC

Friday February 15th

Improv Birthday – Part Valentine’s Day themed comedy night, part birthday pary – The Black Swan (154 Danforth) – 8PM – $5

Yes Yes Y’all – YYY’s 4th Anniversary. Get ready to Twerk and Yank with Georgia’s own Lady – The Annex Wrekroom (794 Bathurst) – 10PM – $10

Joseph & the Mercurials + Saturns – Sonic Impresario seeks hard dark, fierce light craftsman of heartbeat and melody – Miskito+Bite (423 College) – 10PM – Free

TV Freaks – Along with Neon Windbreaker and Ottawa’s Big Dick – Parts & Labour (1566 Queen St W) – 10PM – $8

TEEN – Here We Go Magic member Teeny Lieberson teams up with…uh, all her sisters to form NYC neo-twee band TEEN, solidifying feminine mystic powers over the guitar. – The Drake (1150 Queen St W) – 7:30PM – $11 in advance

The Weather Station Duets – Launch of an on-going and open-ended series where Weather Station frontwomen Tamara Lindeman will release 2-song singles with her favourite fellow songwriters. – Dakota Tavern (249 Ossington) – 7PM sharp – $10

Bard From the Club Reggae-bration – Live 7-piece reggae AND it’s the Tromboner’s birthday – calamity will occur – The Sister (1554 Queen St. W) – 10pm – $7

Saturday February 16th

YIMBY – Yes In My Back Yard lets you meet with dozens of grassroots organizations from around the city who are making the city a better place right in our backyards. – Toronto Reference Library (789 Yonge) – 11AM – 4PM – Free

Elgin Winter Garden Theatre Tour – To mark the 100th anniversary of the picturesque theatre staff at the EWG are a offering guided tour of the building. Go check out the world’s largest remaining collection of vaudevillian scenery!  – Elgin Winter Garden Theatre (189 Yonge) 11AM – Adults $12, Seniors/Student $10, cash only

Advance Base – Casiotone For the Painfully Alone guy’s new project, Advance Base, is playing with Forest City Lovers girl’s new project Kashka. What’s going on? Is this a meeting of the New Solo Projects Commission? – The Annex Live (296 Brunswick) – 9PM – $8

Trilled – These parties have been going on for a while and I still don’t know what trilled is (thrilled?) but I do know they’re a lot of fun. So twerk your way over but if you’re cheap you better be early. – The Piston (937 Bloor) – 10:30PM – $5 after 11

By Divine Right – with Cousins, and Shotgun Jimmie. Canada, do you even know how good your music is? You better recognize when By Divine Right brings it all back after 600 years away. – Lee’s Palace (529 Bloor) – 9PM – $10

101 Delusions – Ever wanted to just watch a watch a movie with your dog? No, not in the comfort of your own home, where you can relax on your sofa in your fat jeans, your Frenchie keeping you warm, but in a store next to the waterfront with a room of other people and their DOGS. – PawWays (245 Queen’s Quay) – 2PM – Free

Sunday February 17th

You’re stuck with your kids one more day thanks to Family Day on Monday, so either take it easy or ship them off to grandma’s to keep the party rolling. Let’s see…Toro Y Moi at Lee’s is sold out. Huh. Okay, there’s a whole bunch o’ brunch specials, but they’re still clinging to the Valentine’s hype. Not for you. Hm, oh! I see the words BOTTLE SERVICE, we’re back in business.

Circus Circus – 4 Levels of sound, bottle service, car service, you have Monday to recover (possibly), the ad for this has a CGI semi-fleshy skeleton with a mohawk shooting lazers out of it’s ribs/eyes/arms. You kinda have to go.  – Aria Entertainment Complex (108 Peter St) – 10PM-2AM – $100  – Dress Code: “Style”

Or hang out with Da Da Dan…

TVCITY Street Style – Street style meets feminist in this project that started in 2011. Double Double Land is screening the seminal French cinéma vérité documentary Chronique d’un été in honor of #50. Double Double Land (209 Augusta) – 7:15PM – Free but PWYC to support DDLand

Or spend some time with your favourite penguin…

C&R Vday Penguin(Photo by Lee-Anne Bigwood)

About Yuli Scheidt

Yuli was born at the exact moment in 1986 when the Challenger Space Shuttle exploded and rained down on the ocean. As a child she believed this meant she was destined for greatness in the realm of space travel and radioastronomy. Nothing remotely as awesome as that has happened so far. Instead Yuli, at the age of 18, relocated from Calgary to Ottawa where she studied photography, life sciences and graphic design before moving to Toronto. [More by Yuli]