Dear readers of Provocative Penguin,
We seem to have really stepped in it this time, and there’s no one but Matt Collins to blame. His recent lambasting of The Velvet Underground has sparked the ire of some of the digital world’s most powerful virgins. Anonymous, the renowned hacktivist group who came to fame for their high-profile attacks on Scientology then later on major credit cards companies in retaliation for cutting off funding to Wikileaks, apparently have hard-ons for The Velvet Underground, and Mr. Collins’ portrayal of the band (he describes Lou Reed’s vocals as the “pathetic wailings of a flaccid penis”) has sparked outrage in the Anonymous/4chan community.
Yesterday, without warning, the internet vigilantes logged off of World of Warcraft just long enough to stage an attack, striking at the very heart of Provocative Penguin. Thanks to the brave efforts of our crack team of programmer, we were able to fight off the initial onslaught of malicious code for hours on end. Anonymous fighters retreated to the basements in the parents’ houses, regrouped, and then went nuclear. Knowing full-well that they could not overcome Provocative Penguin directly, they instead endeavored to cut off our hosting service, GoDaddy.com. The collateral damage was substantial. Millions of websites were taken down in one fell swoop, including your beloved Provocative Penguin.
To the internet community at large, we apologize for our part in the inconvenience you have experienced.
“We are in negotiations with the good folks at CSIS to see if they would be a suitable alternative host for our high-profile content.”
-Seamus Gearin, Founding member of Provocative Penguin