No Good News – Ice Cream Hatewich

Sun Media superstar Ezra Levant is wildly talented at making things up. With the headline “When news somehow isn’t news: Media Party conveniently looks the other way anytime lefties go bad”, he invokes his ironic spiritual leader by following the maxim: “They keep up their lies, even at the risk of looking ridiculous.” Only doubly so: he upholds one lie while wagging his finger about the other. What do I mean? Let’s dive in.

He opens with a report of a horrendous shooting:

Last Wednesday, a 28-year-old Republican Tea Party organizer named Floyd Corkins walked into the Washington, D.C., headquarters of a gay rights organization called Human Rights Campaign, or HRC.

He hated the HRC. But he impersonated an intern there to try to get into their office. He was carrying a carton of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, just to play the part of a stereotypical left-winger because that’s a left-wing company.

Are “left-wingers” walking around with Ben and Jerry’s all the time? Are they that easy to spot? Does that mean there aren’t very many because we hardly ever see people walking around with Ben and Jerry’s? Sit with that, because I’m going to answer that question.

Sounds like a stupid prank.

But when Corkins was stopped by a security guard, Corkins did something truly horrible. He took out a handgun and started shooting.

He wounded the security guard. But that guard was able to wrestle Corkins down and call the police. After Corkins was subdued, he seemed apologetic that he only shot the security guard, not the activists inside.

“Don’t shoot me, it was not about you, it was what this place stands for,” he said, according to media reports.

Horrible, indeed. It’s wonderful that no-one was hurt. Violence is deplorable, no matter at whom it is directed. But Levant looks at the bigger picture:

It’s been days since this politically motivated case of domestic terrorism happened. So why hasn’t this been all over the news?

Why has the consensus media been silent on this? It’s got all the elements for a helluva story — gun crime in America, a would-be Batman-style mass shooting (imagine if Corkins had actually got into the office), and it’s politically motivated.

It’s not like our political reporters are busy. Parliament’s over, the Olympics are over. It’s summer. So why have you not heard a word about Floyd Corkins and his would-be shooting spree against a gay rights organization?

Well, it likely didn’t make front-page headlines because nobody was killed, and the one person who was hurt subdued their own attacker and called the police, so can’t have been hurt that badly. No body count, no headline. Its cynical, but true. If nobody dies, nobody’s going to care. That’s why James Holmes is in the news: 12 dead, 58 wounded. That’s why Anders Breivik is in the news: he blew up 8 buildings, killed 8 people there, and then shot and killed 69 teenagers. That morbid math does itself. Mass bloodshed equals ratings. But that’s not how Levant sees it. He’s loading the question, as anyone can plainly see when he says “consensus media”. He’s doing what Sun Media does best; putting an agenda where one is not needed or wanted. The agenda? A conspiracy theory about “the media”. Here he goes:

Well, sorry to trick you, but I switched one fact in the above story. There really was an attack in Washington by an activist named Floyd Corkins, he really did shoot a security guard and he really did say those things to the security guard. It all happened just the way I said it did.

Except that Corkins isn’t a conservative activist who tried to shoot members of the liberal HRC. He is a left-wing activist who tried to shoot members of the right-wing FRC — that stands for the Family Research Council. I switched that one detail to make a point.

Oh no, a point. I knew one of those would be buried in there. I wonder if it’s a good point or a baffling, sleazy point? Knowing Levant, it’s a point that comes from a slimy pit of boiling hatred and impotent rage.

Corkins actually volunteers at a group called the DC Center for the LGBT Community. If you don’t know, that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender.

So he’s pro-gay marriage. Fine. That’s one side of the debate. And the FRC — the Family Research Council — is on the other side of the debate.

One side of the debate? That’s like saying the KKK are one side of the “all races are born equal and deserve rights and dignity” debate.

Oh, and remember the Ben and Jerry’s question?

He wasn’t carrying a Ben and Jerry’s carton to fake his way in.

He was carrying a bag with 15 Chick-fil-A sandwiches in it. That’s the fast food company whose CEO recently endorsed the traditional definition of marriage.

“Recently endorsed the traditional definition of marriage”? Is that how it happened? And as per the question about “stereotypical left-wingers”- what fucking planet is Levant from? It’s like he’s an alien who’s supposed to be integrating into human society to facilitate an invasion, only the mission has gone all runaway train and it’s never coming back.

Now you know why you haven’t heard of this story.

Because it is counter to the Media Party narrative about conservatives, especially Tea Party conservatives, being intolerant, bigoted, violent people vs. liberals who are reasonable, gentle and never bullies.

“The Media Party”? Who’s that? Is it anything like the Illuminati? He may as well be saying: “because it is counter to the Rosicrucian narrative about Masons.” He has taken a shooting and turned it into the motherfucking DaVinci Code.

And, as is always the case with Levant, he’s throwing around a term: “The Media Party”- as though it means anything outside of his fantasy world. Google it. You get more Levant and then nothing. He’s actually deluded. He has ‘media dementia’. When he reads or watches the news, he has no idea what he’s seeing because the voices in his head get it twisted. Don’t believe me?

Imagine what the media would have done if Floyd Corkins had been right wing and if he had attacked a left-wing gay rights group?

Do you really think the CBC and the Globe and Mail would have all but “forgotten” to mention it?

Of course not. It would be front page news and lead CBC’s The National. There would be a national day of mourning and a call for more gun bans.

There would be a half dozen episodes of Law and Order built around the story — it would be built into a crime wave of conservatives shooting gay rights activists.

But since it was the other way around, down the memory hole it goes.

You just can’t trust the Media Party.

That’s right: you just can’t trust the Media Party. When you’re a paranoid schizophrenic.

About Matt Collins

Matt Collins is a musician (Ninja High School), cartoonist (Sexy), jock (Manhunt), and comedian (Matt Collins) in Toronto, Ontario. Please buy more Matt Collins. [Other Posts By Matt]