No Good News – Shut Up, Lorrie Goldstein

The Sun’s resident Anti-environmentalist, Lorrie Goldstein, asked a simple question this week:

Ever notice how the places that are in the deepest financial trouble — Europe, California in the U.S., Ontario in Canada — are the ones that fell hardest for the myth of green energy?

Slow your roll, Goldstein. You’re going to lump Europe in the same category as California and Ontario?  And what’s this “myth of green energy” business about? Are you saying there’s no way to make renewable, sustainable, waste-free energy? Oh, I am intrigued. Do go on.

For one thing, wind turbines and solar panels, which only produce energy if massively subsidized by the state, drive up electricity prices, which kills off manufacturing jobs.

And here I thought wind turbines and solar panels only produced energy if there was wind or the sun. These are things we know because they are backed up by a body of evidence. Side note: I love how often the Sun say “The State” when all they do is talk about how much they love the Conservative party, Rob Ford, and the police. They’re like a hilarious reverse-punk band. They’re like that guy you meet in first year who read the back of The Rebel Sell and decided that he’s going to out-alternative everybody by saying he’s a “conscientious right-winger” or “socially liberal, fiscally conservative” or some other crap.


“Hey, mister politician!” Jesus Christ. Guitars should be outlawed. Or at the very least, licensed. You should have to get a learner’s permit and have to take classes and do a written test before you can take one out in public or write a song.

That’s why NDP Leader Thomas Mulcair’s “solution” to the “Dutch Disease” he says is caused by the development of the oilsands without carbon pricing, which is to impose cap-and-trade, is absurd.

All that will do is raise energy prices even more, costing more jobs, which only helps the environment if you believe deliberately causing a recession, which lowers pollution and greenhouse gas emissions because of economic collapse, is a good idea. It isn’t.

Really? Economic collapse is all we have to do to stop impending global disaster? And isn’t Goldstein admitting that greenhouse gases do something? That’s not kosher with the Sun’s editorial policy of global warming denial at all costs, including actual global warming. He must be building up to something really big for them to have even let him say “greenhouse gas emissions”.


Only countries with healthy economies have the capacity to improve their environments. Those going broke, don’t.

Is this like telling the kids that they’re going to summer camp this year, not Disneyworld? Maybe if you had a job, you could pitch in for a car for your 16th birthday. Sorry, Canada, with all the “job creation” and sending the PM to all these G20 getaways all over the place and the Diamond Jubilee and all that, we don’t have any money to not kill planet Earth. Why didn’t you tell us that was important? We’re your elected representatives, after all. What? The press told you some this that and the other?

You can bet that’s what will happen here if the NDP or Liberals get elected, both of whom favour cap-and-trade.

We’ll get the old “bait-and-switch.”

The “bait” will be that money extracted from us through higher energy prices will go towards improving the environment and to help “the poor” cope with higher energy costs.

The “switch” will be that most, if not all, of the new revenue will go down the black hole of general revenues to pay for anything the government wants.

Oh, do you mean like F-35 fighter jets? Look. My point isn’t that conservatives are bad (they are) or that the Liberals and NDP are good (they aren’t). My point is that The Sun lives to get doggie treats from their master while pretending to be “of the people, for the people”. They’re classic Uncle Toms. And not one member of the staff can make an argument properly or write. For instance:

Governments that suck up to the green movement in order to extract more money from our hides by pricing carbon dioxide emissions, inevitably discover their erstwhile allies are Luddites, who oppose every realistic action to lower pollution and greenhouse gas emissions, from non-emitting nuclear power to low-emitting natural gas.

What about the part where nuclear power generates nuclear waste that is impossible to dispose of, ever? Well, I guess the universe is expanding so we’ll have tons of space. What about nuclear disasters? Those are bad, right? I have never heard of a wind or solar disaster.


“It’s not easy bein’ green”, Jesus Christ! Why do stupid people get to be angry? They’re the ones fucking everything up for intelligent people. They’re making us miserable. And then two-bit hacks like Goldstein come along and rile ’em up and give them arguments with no facts and laundry lists of things to be against. It’s got to stop. From now on, you get to be stupid or angry. Ignorance is bliss, you dumb fucks. Go be fucking blissful.


Problem is, greens are against nuclear power, shale extraction and the expansion of gas use. That’s because they’re not interested in practical solutions to environmental challenges.

They’re interested in driving us back into the Stone Age.

No. It’s because all of those things are bad for the environment. Greens are almost exclusively interested in practical solutions to environmental challenges. Goldstein, you’re only interested in the solutions that make your masters money. Why can’t you just admit that? You’ve already fooled your mouth-breathing readership into agreeing that the rich deserve all of their money and power. And another thing: they didn’t have solar power or wind turbines during the stone age, you fucking idiot. Go be blissful. Make every page just sports and the sunshine girl. Maybe people will start voting again.

About Matt Collins

Matt Collins is a musician (Ninja High School), cartoonist (Sexy), jock (Manhunt), and comedian (Matt Collins) in Toronto, Ontario. Please buy more Matt Collins. [Other Posts By Matt]