A Letter to the Cool Guys Downstairs

Dear cool guys in the basement,

That was an awesome party you had last night (Sunday night) at a totally radical, resonable time (1 in the morning). Because I am also cool, I wasn’t in bed because I had to get up at 7 to get to work this morning. As such, I enjoyed listening to Skrillex or whatever cool music you were playing at a totally cool volume.

Let me reiterate that I totally approve of the Sunday night 1 am party that you threw because I am 100% cool.

You know what else was awesome? When your one friend with the booming voice was talking like a standup comedian. He is super, super funny when he’s paraphrasing Louis CK. So funny that I literally forgot to laugh, but instead came downstairs and rang your doorbell for five minutes.

You guys did the cool thing when you didn’t answer! Having to hear about when I have to get up to go to my job would have been sooooo awkward. So I’m glad you kept on partying.

I’m so sorry that right after that my wife came and banged on your windows and harshed your mellow. Sorry that we’re married and 30. Maybe we’ll understand being 25 someday, because as you know, people age backwards. I bet you guys remember having to pay bills and have a job and get up in the morning. I bet you’re glad that’s over!

Keep on being cool,


The people upstairs

About Matt Collins

Matt Collins is a musician (Ninja High School), cartoonist (Sexy), jock (Manhunt), and comedian (Matt Collins) in Toronto, Ontario. Please buy more Matt Collins. [Other Posts By Matt]