Dirty Words – Baby, Boy/Girlfriend

Baby

(By Seamus Gearin)

Babies were once the meaning for living. Creating life was a miracle and a blessing and gave purpose to an otherwise mundane existence. Today, they’re a cute pest. With seven billion human beings on this planet, diminishing natural resources, depleted protection from the dangers of space and class war/economic disparity, what would a thinking-person be doing bringing one of these pudgy balls of innocence into the fold? We’re overpopulated, and not just that, we’re self-involved. Do you have the time and/or money to have a child? Do you really think it’s a good idea to create a miniature version of you? Sure, there will be a phase where the kid is cute and your Facebook pictures of them will be “Oooed”, “Awed” and Liked the shit out of, but what happens after they turn five? You’re responsible for them for at least another thirteen years and it’s definitely not a total joy ride. Think lack of sleep, teenhood (including: your daughter starting date/your son discovering masturbation), paying for everything (food, school, hobbies, therapy) and having no time to yourself. With only a fifty percent chance of a child being raised with both parents in one place and the general voting population of the world not getting any smarter, there is a distinct possibility that the adults of the future will be Republicans with daddy issues; and who wants to die knowing they were partially responsible for that? From a practical stand point, the young adults of today are in a much better position to change the world by adopting and helping to educate younger immigrants to the Western World on how they can help build a better future. Plus, it’s a lot less work.

Baby [Bey-bee]

Noun

1. That crying thing on the subway, managing to annoy you through your earphones.

2. The word you used in your introduction to the girl at the bar that turned her off immediately.

3. The #1 reason to use a condom.

See also: Alimony, Pro-Choice Movement

Boy/Girlfriend

(By W.S. Rivera)

Originally used as a term of endearment, Boy/Girlfriend was a pronoun for your lover and confidant. Often a source of comfort, asylum and acceptance, the title carried with it much pride and status. Its last use in its original context was in 1963 as the title and chorus to The Angels hit song My Boyfriend’s back.  However, the 1960’s were also the time of the sexual revolution and a big change in our ideology giving the term “Boy/Girlfriend” a whole new image.

To gay rights activists, it was a symbol of oppression and closed-mindedness carried over from a less accepting era. The word “Partner” was adopted to blur the solid definition of Boy/Girl and demonstrate the equality in a relationship regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

“That guy wearing a dress. Is he your boyfriend?”
“No, she is my PARTNER.”

Feminists followed suit preferring to opt out Girl/Boyfriend because it carried with it a sense of ownership. Partner of course, being originally used in the 19th century by Cowboys as a sign of equality and respect amongst each other was the perfect choice for them as well.

“Back off, she’s MY girlfriend”

Hippies saw it as traditionalist ideology which we needed to break free from. It was a time of experimentation, especially with our sexual nature. With titles came roles which needed to be filled.

“You can’t be yourself if you’re busy trying to be a boy/girlfriend! Let go and share your body! Don’t listen to the man and his society of rules…”

These stigmas have mutated the word into something very undesirable in the 21st century. Being issued less than most high-level military rankings, the title of Girl/Boyfriend needs to go through a long officializing process before said title can be bestowed on a couple. Often being coupled with the idea of shackles, balls and chains, dependence, lack of freedom and the ever-dreaded marriage, we become easily offended by the word and feel the instant need to retort and clearly define who is NOT our Girl/Boyfriend.

Boyfriend [Boi – Frend] / Girlfriend [Ghurl – frend]

Pronoun

1. Not the person you are going on dates with, having intercourse with, or care about

2. Someone that is not that important in your life. You could care less if they leave, “‘cuz fuck it I’m going to Cabo!!”

3. A title given to the person responsible for robbing you of your liberties and independence.

See also: Ownership, objectification, partner, living in denial, fuck buddies, Mila Kunis, Justin Timberlake.

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Dirty Words is an exercise in (re)defining words that don’t carry the meaning they’re meant to.

You can submit your own Dirty Words/definitions to scribbles@provocativepenguin.com or make suggestions in the comments section below!

Other Dirty Words can be found [here]

About Seamus Gearin

Séamus once found a $100 bill and gave it to the first person who passed by. He's regretted it ever since.