Dirty Words – Jobs, Hippie

Jobs

(By Matt Collins)

Jobs is a archaic term used for a way to occupy time between school and death.  Typically, money was traded for a labour, or, at the very least, presence.  For centuries, the rich found it was an excellent way to keep the poor from rising up and killing them.  However, as it required that the rich actually give the poor money, and even confused some of the poor as to whether or not they were rich (see: Middle Class), scholars have argued that jobs was a failed experiment.  Politicians believed they could spontaneously create jobs; this, of course, was alchemy.  North American culture developed such a distaste for the process that it was eliminated entirely by 2009.

Jobs – [jaw-bzuh]

noun

1. Absolutely, positively, categorically not what you went to school for.

2. God’s second son on Earth

3. What you can’t believe you’re doing right now, you could be doing anything else, but let’s be honest: if you weren’t here right now, you’d just be looking up exes on facebook, watching Game of Thrones or playing some kind of computer solitaire.

See also: work, real work, working for the weekend, apple products, prehistoric animals doing the work of appliances and quipping “it’s a living”, this is why I drink.

Hippie

(By Danny DeVito)

Once upon a time these pot-smoking, patchouli reeking, free-loving, tie-die wearing, shower shunning idealists were at the forefront of a social movement promoting peace and love.  Now they simply continue to smell and grow excess body hair (as if they were French or something).  They would probably be experiencing a resurgence in relevance, acting as the wise elders of the burgeoning ‘Occupy’ movement, however most if not all have experienced irreversible brain damage from the cornucopia of ‘mind expanding’ drugs consumed during the good old days.  For now the only useful purpose the word serves is as the conclusion of the hyphenate “Cunty-Hippie”, which refers to a wide range of undesirables.

Hip-pie [Hip-ee]

noun

1. the source of ‘that smell’

2. an elderly drug dealer/head-shop proprietor

3. one who lives ‘in the moment’, by constantly reminiscing about the past

See also:  Human Detritus

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Dirty Words is an exercise in (re)defining words that don’t carry the meaning they’re meant to.

You can submit your own Dirty Words/definitions to scribbles@provocativepenguin.com or make suggestions in the comments section below!

Other Dirty Words can be found [here]

 

 

About Matt Collins

Matt Collins is a musician (Ninja High School), cartoonist (Sexy), jock (Manhunt), and comedian (Matt Collins) in Toronto, Ontario. Please buy more Matt Collins. [Other Posts By Matt]