Dirty Words – Banker, Telemarketer, Socialism

Banker

(By Danny DeVito)

Gone are the days when the term Banker was used to describe the humble, bowtie wearing number-cruncher who approved your mortgage or helped launch your small business with a much needed loan.  These days the term is synonymous with corruption, greed, political interference, excess and arrogance.  The humble attitude and bowtie have given way to a penchant for Italian silk ties, with matching Italian sports cars.  The mortgages have been replaced with predatory interest traps, with crippling resets.  The small business loans have simply gone the way of the dodo.

Bank-er [BANG-ker]

noun

1.                  a mugger in an expensive suit

2.                  the monster hiding in your parents’ closet

3.                  your new landlord

4.                  Politics – the puppet masters

5.                  Games – in Monopoly, the player who distributes the money

See also:  The Man, gang-rape

Telemarketer

(By Seamus Gearin)

The door-to-door vacuum cleaner sales man is dead.  Modern day technology has brought the world of direct marketing to a grand peak of efficiency where 10 people in one call center can reach more than 1,000 homes in a single evening.  The autodialer has been god’s gift to real world spammers from coast to coast and across the Bering Straight.  However, with all of this grand advancement in methodology, people are getting annoyed; particularly those whom still possess a land line.

It isn’t pleasant to have to get up from the dinner table or walk away from American Idol just before Nigel (/whoever the mean judge is now) is about to crush the lifelong dreams of some poor, naïve sap only to discover a dead line where after saying hello several times, someone finally chimes up only to try to sell you something.  At least in Glengarry Glen Ross the sales team was dialing the calls themselves.  That being said, there is still mass misunderstanding as to what a telemarketer literally is.

A telemarketer is someone who solicits money over the phone.  A teleresearcher is someone who solicits information/time for the purposes of data collection.  There is a difference and it is distinct.  The latter is a person who is working toward building a better understanding of what people think, while the former just wants your credit card number.  In a world where the job market isn’t doing so great, it’s important to remember that one does not beget the other.  Many people do not make this distinction and end up treating callers with mostly positive intentions as if they are bottomfeeders who may or may not be attempting to scam them.

Tele-market-er [tele-marketer]

noun

1.                That Indian dude named Steve who keeps trying to get you to renew your                                        subscription to The Star.

2.                Someone you can easily take out your pent up frustration on because you’ve                                    never met them before.

3.                 Scumbags.

See also: Readily available employment, What’s wrong with the world, Commission: and why it makes people assholes

Socialism

(By Joe)

Socialism has a fairly specific meaning.  Although the term is used rather “liberally” to describe almost everything from tax policies to Bernie Sanders.  The actual meaning is the following: Workers must be in control of the means of production. For any system to be Socialist, it must meet this basic requirement.  Therefore, it does not require a genius to realize that the Soviet Union was NOT a socialist society.  In fact there are only two places in the world that called the Soviet Union “Socialist” and they did it for OPPOSITE reasons.  The Soviet Union called themselves Socialist because they wanted the World to associate their state with the positive energy and optimism surrounding genuine, socialist movements that were developing throughout the third world.  And The United States called the Soviet Union Socialist to demonize genuine, Third World Socialism by making the world associate it with the Soviet Union.  The term now means the following….

so·cial·ism -[soh-shuh-liz-uh m]

noun

1.                 Any public policy which corporations oppose

2.                 Barack Obama’s personal belief system/political ideology

3.                 The reason for every bad thing thats every happened since Jesus got clipped

4.                 The word one uses to describe countries which disagree with United States foreign                           policy.

5.                 Raising the top marginal tax rate on the wealthiest Americans from 36% to 39%

See also: Gas Chambers, Malignant Tumours, Genocide, Miscellaneous Bad Shit.

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Dirty Words is an exercise in (re)defining words that don’t carry the meaning they’re meant to.

You can submit your own Dirty Words/definitions to scribbles@provocativepenguin.com or make suggestions in the comments section below!

Other Dirty Words can be found [here]

 

About Danny DeVito

Danny DeVito is one of Canada's premier thinkers. He graces the pages of Provocative Penguin with his unique and rare form of genius. His keen eye for talented artists, insight into political affairs, and cunning linguistic skills pale only in comparison to his chiselled good looks. Some say he is a God. Here at Provocative Penguin, we just call him Danny. You can read Danny’s other posts on PP [here]