Say it ain’t so Danny. Say it ain’t so.

Since their launch at the end of June I have been reading PP with some interest. I say some interest because I occasionally find the subject matter too rich to digest. I blame this not so much on the majority of the writers, but this unique copper-haired fellow, Danny. Yes you, Danny. Perhaps it’s your mind, cultivated by geographic boundaries that makes it difficult for me to understand your recent article: “The City of Ford: A brave new world”. Or, perhaps it’s because I’m not a Torontonian — from either side of amalgamation.


Not the same “Danny Devito” – (Pic via Listal)


Danny Devito claims to believe that to live outside the bounds of old Toronto means one does not actually live in Toronto. Hardly a unique sentiment. I can think of a few blue goblins who think the same way. They who enjoy creating boundaries and borders instead of encouraging the free flow of people and the sharing of resources and spaces. They who put up fences and arrest people out of fear. They who stuff Nuit Blanche with so much Babylon that our man Arts Luber fantasizes about masturbating with vinegar. Is that what you want Danny? For us to beat off with vinegar?

Danny’s view is archaic.

Danny believes some other things too, most of which I imagine are simply meant to provoke responses like mine. I’m not sure what is so wrong with amalgamation; many cities amalgamate. New York in particular… And besides, the half-eaten doughnut formed by the election of one mayor in the last decade or so does not a doughnut make.

Danny’s misguided and misinformed de-amalgamation argument is not what vexes my simple mind. It’s his blue goblin attitude that is un-Toronto. Perhaps Danny should write an article about building gates around the city and posting guards to protect his precious “money, culture, beautiful architecture, arts and entertainment, nightlife, and raison d’être.” He can sit on a shit stained porcelain throne and rule His city from the second story of St. Lawrence Market. His precious Old Toronto will rot, and then Danny will have his doughnut.

There are other elements to Danny’s article that twists my nuts: people possessing a city they did not actually build, Toronto as a material object, Old Toronto as a self sustaining economy (snicker) and the list goes on.

But what do I know? I’m from Durham. I’m sure it’s a surprise that I can even use a computer. Time to milk the cows.


-The Visitor



  • Danny DeVito

    To ‘The Visitor’. I congratulate you on your courage. It takes a lot of courage to write to me in such a disrespectful tone, a tone that makes me think, is Danny DeVito gonna have to choke a bitch?! Luckily for you, your response was written anonymously, the sign of a brave man.

    I feel for you though. I truely do. Living in Durham must have left a gaping hole in your life, where ‘a life’ is supposed to be.

    I leave you with these parting words… May radiation leak from your neighbouring nuclear power plant and mutate your testicles so that your children are born with wings (flightless wings), and a tiny penis… just like you.

    Love, Danny D

  • The Visitor

    To the authentic Danny Devito:

    Bravery has little to do with it. I’m compelled out of duty to rip apart every blue goblin like my foot does your intellectual sphincter. The obligation is tiresome at times, but the radiation helps.

    Funny how you’re set on violence upon recognizing your wealth of inferiority and that you assume I’m a penis wielding man. Gender bias and violence is common in blue goblins. Which makes me think you have an envy of sorts.

    Enjoy your expanded orifice, I hope it helps.

    Dance Danny dance.

  • ImAPuffin

    The age old question arises: who wins in an all out flame war, the troll or the goblin?

  • pengoo

    My money’s on the troll.