WHAT GIRLS SHOULD DO IN THEIR TWENTIES

VIA VICELAND TODAY

I just turned 30.5 and as a half-birthday present to myself I am relieving myself of the shards of non-wisdom that I have gathered in the past ten-point-five years by throwing them your way like so many candy beans. In this scenario that I am imagining, we are drunk and I’m throwing the candy beans at you. Do with them what you will—which will be this: “Pffffft shut the fuck up, bitch, you don’t know my life” (actual transcription of the subtext of every conversation I have with my friends who are younger than me)—but do know that things will change for you at some point. Pretend I am pushing your sweaty baby-hairs off of your forehead and going “Shhhhhhhhhh.”

 

 

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